Who vs. Where

Lately, I’ve been circling two questions:

Who am I becoming?

Where am I going?

On the surface, they might sound similar. But the more I’ve sat with them, the more I’ve realized—they pull my life in very different directions.

The Weight of “Who”

“Who I want to be” is a heavy question.

It’s about character.

It’s value-based.

It asks for self-investment.

If I’m willing to imagine the future version of me—and then commit to small, steady habits—I can grow into that person over time. This question shapes my choices. It changes my days.

The Distraction of “Where”

“Where I want to be” feels lighter… but it’s tricky.

It’s about circumstances, achievement, the visible markers of success. And if I’m not careful, it’s full of comparison—measuring my life against neighbors, coworkers, strangers on YouTube.

Here’s the tension:

I want to live a certain life and be a certain person. But I can’t do it all.

And sometimes, I’m scared of who I’ll be if I give certain things up—or of what I’ll have to face if I create that kind of space.

When the Questions Collide

Recently, I‘ve been acquainted with burnout. I had to get honest: Am I doing these things because of where I want to be, or who I want to be?

The answer led to letting go.

Letting go of things that I think are important and have space in my life at some point.

My wife and I paused fermenting our own food. We decided not to plant a fall garden this year. We’re only canning what we need to preserve family harvests.

Why?

Because I realized I was chasing a version of life I thought would give me simplicity—one of my core values—but it was actually giving me burnout and overwhelm.

Maybe I’ll pick these skills back up one day.

Maybe not…

But right now they are not serving the “who” I want to be.

These things are important…but they aren’t urgent. More on that next newsletter!

The Inputs That Shape Us

Here’s another one: YouTube.

I love it. It’s full of videos on topics I’m passionate about. But it’s also a subtle (or blatant, depending on your views) comparison trap. It makes me feel behind, adds to my to-do list, and stirs up wants I don’t actually need.

I’ve heard it said that comparison is the thief of joy.

Maybe you have your own version of this.

Maybe it’s time to pull out the inputs that make you think you’re not enough.

Choosing What Stays

Right now, my life is full with three young kids.

This is the time to get good at a few things that serve my family best. And I’m still trying to work through what those things are.

It’s very much trial and error right now.

And it’s also a time to appreciate the skills God has already grown in me. Think about something that months or years ago was a big deal to start. Now, it’s second nature. Habits aren’t built by throwing everything at the wall. They’re built slowly, intentionally.

A Better Measure

You weren’t meant to arrive in every area of life tomorrow. The journey and the process matter—even when they’re hard.

If I threw out my to-do list tomorrow, I wouldn’t forget what matters most. I know my life vision: to be a good dad, a loving husband, and to live simply in step with who God’s has made me to be.

And for right now—that’s enough.

Reflection for You:

Which question is louder in your life right now—Who am I becoming? or Where am I going?

What would change if you stopped trying to arrive in every area at once?

Big Idea

Energy management > time management

Exhaustion can a badge of honor in today’s society. Overwork and long hours yield diminishing returns if we look closely enough. Michael Hyatt (Full Focus) said on a recent webinar that proper energy management leads to sustained peak performance. Therefore, energy management is more important than time management. Where are you spending your peak energy right now?

Books I’m reading

Simple Money, Rich Life: A 21-day kick start to stress free money management by Bob Lotich

Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning

…and On the Road With Saint Augustine by James K.A. Smith (Thanks Luis!)

Quote for reflection

A little more of a spiritual finish to this one from James K.A. Smith’s book On the Road With Saint Augustine:

“There are two very different kinds of dissatisfaction or restlessness…the road is the endless exhaustion of continuing to try to locate home, the frantic search for rest. That is the angst of the prodigal still in exile…but there is another kind fo restlessness that can be experienced on the road, a fatigue that stems from knowing where home is but also reasoning you’re not there yet—a kind of “directed” impatience. The first is a baseline aimlessness that keeps looking for home; the second is the weariness of being en route, burdened by trials and distracted by a thousand byways and exhausted by temptations along the way that sucker you into forgetting where home is.”

Take care,

Mark

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